Management Insights

Management Humor - 8

• The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
• After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
• Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
• If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
• Work smarter not harder and be careful of you spelling.
• If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
• If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
• Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
• Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
• Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected. Carefully planned projects take four times longer to complete than expected, mostly because the planners expect their planning to reduce the time it takes.
• Whenever things sound easy, it turns out there's one part you didn't hear.--Donald E. Westlake
• If I traveled to the end of the rainbow, as Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me, the pot's at the other end.
• In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence [ "We have to talk."].
• Nothing is as easy as it looks.
• Everything takes longer than you think.
• Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Except when you want to prove this.
• If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
• The tough part of a Data Manager's job is that users don't really know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
• No one is listening until you make a mistake.
• One child is not enough, but two children is too many.
• The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
• The more an item costs, the farther you have to send it for repairs.
• You never want the one you can afford.
• Never ask the barber if you need a haircut or a salesman if his is a good price.
• If it says "one size fits all" it doesn't fit anyone.
• Love letters, business contracts, and money due to you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
• When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all other coins will roll out of sight.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• Life can be only understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
• No matter which way you go, it's uphill and against the wind.
• The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
• When reviewing your notes for a test, the most important ones will be illegible.
• The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• The one item you want is never the one on sale.
• If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
• If you perceive that there are four possible way in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
• It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
• Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

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