Management Insights
Management
Humor - 6
- Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt.
Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it
on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.--Billiam Coronel
- Never get into a fight with an ugly
person. He has nothing to lose.
- Don't kick a man when he's down unless
you're certain he won't get up.
- The statistic on sanity are that one out
of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's
you.--Rita Mae Brown
- Programming today is a race between
software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof
programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.--Rich Cook
- My wife said I never listen to her. At
least I think that's what she said.
- When I give a lecture, I accept that
people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they
look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it
stopped.--Marcel Achard
- I didn't accept it. I received
it.--Richard Allen
- He who laughs last has not yet heard the
bad news.--Bertolt Brecht
- Hookt On Fonicks Werked Four Me!
- You have to stay in shape. My
grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.--Ellen
DeGeneres
- Byron Elbows' two rules of human nature:
No one is as weird as they think they are. Everyone is weirder than
others think they are.
- Some people talk in their sleep.
Lecturers talk while other people sleep.--Albert Camus
- Have you ever noticed? Anybody going
slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a
maniac.--George Carlin
- Journalism consists largely I saying
"Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was
alive.--G.K.Chesterton
- We have strange and wonderful
relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
- If it weren't for electricity we'd all
be watching television by candlelight.--George Gobel
- I'm not into working out. My philosophy:
No pain, no pain.--Carol Leifer
- A job worth doing is worth complaining
about.
- I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to
conclusions, pushing my lucks, and dodging deadlines.
- The imaginary friends I had as a kid
dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.--Aaron
Machado
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one
finger on the escape key.
Pick-Up Lines
- Pardon me, but I am writing a phone book
- can I have your number?
- Do you have a boyfriend? Well when you
want a MAN-friend, come and talk to me!
- Is there a rainbow, because you're the
treasure I've been searching for.
- What is a nice girl like you doing in a
dirty mind like mine?
- I couldn't help myself. They were so big
and round and beautiful, I just had to touch them! Then she started
screaming "MY EYES!, MY EYES!" and ruined the mood.
- Those are some nice jeans you have on.
Ya think I cant talk you out of them?
- Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm
ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have
ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
- Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to
steal your heart.
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