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Management Insights

Management Humor - 5

Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.--Adreienne E. Gusoff
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.--Dick Cavett
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.--Jeff marder
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
One seventh of your life is spent on a Monday.
People who are late are often happier than those who have to wait for them.--Chinese Fortune Cookie
Guide to understanding a net addict's day: Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet. Busy day: managed to work in three hours of Usenet. Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of Usenet.
Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never go to a doctor whose office plant have died.--Erma Bombeck
Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring.--A sign at the ice cream parlor
Just when you think you have hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.--Anonymous
I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered all over the beaches of the world..maybe you've seen it.--Steven Wright
I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?--Steven Wright

Taglines

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Just do it.
Just did it.
Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The rich gets richer; the poor get babies.
This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is.
Was today really Necessary?
Why are you looking down here? The joke is above!
hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
Sex is like a bridge game: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!
God may have mad man first, but there is always a ruff draft before a final copy.
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over.
I'm so thirsty I'd lick the water out of Clinton's diarrhea... I'm sorry if I grossed you out. I shouldn't have used Clinton...
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
Due to the outbreak of aids, employees will no longer be permitted to kiss the boss's ass.
Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool!
Life without danger is a waste of oxygen.
God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries.
God invented women because he wanted a good laugh.
My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.
Life in a vacuum sucks.
On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
Alone: In bad company.
Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Black holes really suck...
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
If I save time, when do I get it back?
If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test.
If in doubt, make it sound convincing.

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IIM experts research, develop and disseminate management-best-practices and learned-lessons from the leading management gurus. For advanced executive education and training opportunities, please refer to IIM Management Training Courses


		Management Insights Management Humor - 5 Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.--Adreienne E. Gusoff If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.--Dick Cavett We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.--Jeff marder A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make you feel happy to be on your way. The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy All things being equal, fat people use more soap. One seventh of your life is spent on a Monday. People who are late are often happier than those who have to wait for them.--Chinese Fortune Cookie Guide to understanding a net addict's day: Slow day: didn't have much to do, so spent three hours on usenet. Busy day: managed to work in three hours of Usenet. Bad day: barely squeezed in three hours of Usenet. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else. Never go to a doctor whose office plant have died.--Erma Bombeck Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffer-ring.--A sign at the ice cream parlor Just when you think you have hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.--Anonymous I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered all over the beaches of the world..maybe you've seen it.--Steven Wright I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?--Steven Wright Taglines If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. If it works, tear it apart and find out why! If you're not confused, you're not paying attention. In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. Just do it. Just did it. Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...? Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me". Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. The rich gets richer; the poor get babies. This is just a hobby. Perfection is not required. Fun is. Was today really Necessary? Why are you looking down here? The joke is above! hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY? If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong. Sex is like a bridge game: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control! I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight! God may have mad man first, but there is always a ruff draft before a final copy. A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished. Heaven won't have me and Hell's afraid I'll take over. I'm so thirsty I'd lick the water out of Clinton's diarrhea... I'm sorry if I grossed you out. I shouldn't have used Clinton... Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. Due to the outbreak of aids, employees will no longer be permitted to kiss the boss's ass. Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool! Life without danger is a waste of oxygen. God invented man because Eve's vibrator ran out of batteries. God invented women because he wanted a good laugh. My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him. Life in a vacuum sucks. On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK" I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. When there's a will, I want to be in it. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it. Alone: In bad company. Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty. As I said before, I never repeat myself. Black holes really suck... Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected? Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect. I've got to sit down and work out where I stand. If I save time, when do I get it back? If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test. If in doubt, make it sound convincing. Page: 1 \| 2 \| 3 \| 4 \| 5 \| 6 \| 7 \| 8 IIM Executive Education and Management Training IIM experts research, develop and disseminate management-best-practices and learned-lessons from the leading management gurus. For advanced executive education and training opportunities, please refer to IIM Management Training Courses

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