Management Training Library - Management & Leadership Insights

Management Insights

Management Humor - 4

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.
It was such a lovely day I thought it's a pity to get up.--W. Somerset Maugham
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Don't count your chickens before they cross the road.
I cannot be bought.. but I can be rented.--Don O'Shaughnessy
He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.--Don O'Shaughnessy
Somewhere in the world there's somebody better than me.. but I haven't met him yet.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Were your parents disappointed they never had any children?--
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
The statement below is true. The statement above is false.
Bad artists copy. Great artists steal.--Picasso
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.--Wolfgang Pauli
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.--Lily Tomlin
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.--Pancho Villa-Last Words
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?--Heidi Sandige
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
Life is pain...anyone who says differently is selling something.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.--Dennis the Menace
I hope life isn't a big joke -- because I don't get it.
I'm so poor I can't even pay attention.
Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands.
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Rape impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up than man run with pants down.
Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit.
Man who drops watches in toilet have shitty time.
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.--W.C.Fields
When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.--Henry Miller
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.--Charles Schultz
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.--Wilson Mizner
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.--Anonymous
Architecture is the art of how to waste space.--Philip Johnson
Admiration, n: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.--Ambrose Bierce
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.--Samuel Goldwyn
I'm still an atheist, thank God!--Luis Bunel
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house an four people died.--Stephen Wright
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.--Jean Giraudoux
So little time and so little to do.--Oscar Levant
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.--Will Rogers
I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave.--E.M.Forster
The last time somebody asked, "I find I can write much better with a word processor.", I replied, "They used to say the same thing about drugs."--Roy Blount, Jr.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence.--Ashleigh Brilliant
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.--Quentin Crisp
We're not lost. We're locationaly challenged.--John M. Ford
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git" --Alexi Sayle
What's another word for Thesaurus?--Steven Wright
I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.--Steven Pearl
Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.--Joey Bishop
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.--Totie Fields
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.--Robert Orben

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IIM experts research, develop and disseminate management-best-practices and learned-lessons from the leading management gurus. For advanced executive education and training opportunities, please refer to IIM Management Training Courses


		Management Insights Management Humor - 4 Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me. It was such a lovely day I thought it's a pity to get up.--W. Somerset Maugham I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx I have not yet begun to procrastinate. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. The more things change, the more they stay the same. Don't count your chickens before they cross the road. I cannot be bought.. but I can be rented.--Don O'Shaughnessy He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.--Don O'Shaughnessy Somewhere in the world there's somebody better than me.. but I haven't met him yet. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. Were your parents disappointed they never had any children?-- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. The statement below is true. The statement above is false. Bad artists copy. Great artists steal.--Picasso If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.--Wolfgang Pauli Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.--Lily Tomlin Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.--Pancho Villa-Last Words Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?--Heidi Sandige The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind. Life is pain...anyone who says differently is selling something. Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead. How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.--Dennis the Menace I hope life isn't a big joke -- because I don't get it. I'm so poor I can't even pay attention. Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk. Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. Rape impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up than man run with pants down. Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit. Man who drops watches in toilet have shitty time. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.--W.C.Fields When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.--Henry Miller I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.--Charles Schultz Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.--Wilson Mizner Life is a sexually transmitted disease.--Anonymous Architecture is the art of how to waste space.--Philip Johnson Admiration, n: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.--Ambrose Bierce I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere. If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.--Samuel Goldwyn I'm still an atheist, thank God!--Luis Bunel Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house an four people died.--Stephen Wright The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.--Jean Giraudoux So little time and so little to do.--Oscar Levant I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.--Will Rogers I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave.--E.M.Forster The last time somebody asked, "I find I can write much better with a word processor.", I replied, "They used to say the same thing about drugs."--Roy Blount, Jr. Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence.--Ashleigh Brilliant If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.--Quentin Crisp We're not lost. We're locationaly challenged.--John M. Ford I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git" --Alexi Sayle What's another word for Thesaurus?--Steven Wright I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.--Steven Pearl Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.--Joey Bishop I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.--Totie Fields There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.--Robert Orben Page: 1 \| 2 \| 3 \| 4 \| 5 \| 6 \| 7 \| 8 IIM Executive Education and Management Training IIM experts research, develop and disseminate management-best-practices and learned-lessons from the leading management gurus. For advanced executive education and training opportunities, please refer to IIM Management Training Courses
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