Humor - 2
Things to think about
- If a cluttered desk is characteristic of
a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?
- Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations
when smoking is prohibited?
- Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
- Why are there flotation devices under
plane seats instead of parachutes?
- If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days
a year, why are there locks on the doors?
- If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do
they make Teflon stick to the pan?
- If you are driving at the speed of light
and you turn on your headlights, what happens?
- Why is that when you transport something
by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship
it's called cargo?
- Why do they put Braille dots on the
keypad of the drive-up ATM?
- You know that little indestructible
black box that is used on planes--why can't they make the whole plane
out of the same substance?
- Why are they called apartments when they
are all stuck together?
- If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
- Why do you need a driver's license to
buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
- I don't have an attitude problem You
have a perception problem.
- If it isn't broken, fix it till it is.
- I don't get even, I get odder.
- In just two days, tomorrow will be
- I considered atheism but there weren't
- I always wanted to be a procrastinator,
never got around to it.
- I tease about drugs a lot, but in
reality I take them seriously.
- Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof.
- I talk to myself because I like dealing
with a better class of people.
- I'll listen to logic and reason when it
comes out on CD.
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- We've upped our standards, now up yours.
- Practice safe eating -- always use
- If I wanted to listen to an asshole I
would have farted.
- I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
- Friends -- the people who stab ya in the
- How's your wife and my kids?
- Accidents don't just happen; they must
be carelessly planned.
- Sin - I didn't invent it - I'm only
trying to perfect it!
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep
like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
- Stupidity got us into this mess -- why
can't it get us out?
- Help a man when he is in trouble and he
will remember you when he is in trouble again.
- Just because I don't care doesn't meant
I don't understand.
- An optimist is simply a pessimist with
no job experience.
- If today is the first day of the rest of
your life, what the hell was yesterday?
- Misfortune: The kind of fortune that
- If you wish to live wisely, ignore
sayings - including this one.
- Anything free is worth what you pay for
- People who think they know everything
are the easiest to fool.
- Celibacy is no hereditary.
- If I knew what I was doing, it wouldn't
be called "research".
- Show me a man with both feet firmly on
the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off!
- Just because you're smart does not mean
that the other guy is stupid.
- Time is what keeps everything from
happening to us all at once.
- My heart is in the right place, I know,
because I hid it there.
- Tell me what you believe and I'll tell
you where you're going wrong.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness
pays off NOW!
- Am I getting smart with you?...how would
- Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some
just abuse the privilege.
- The truth is out there. So what are you
- Clean, dependable, hard working...good
god what kind of monster have I become!?!
- Things always look better when you can't
- "Push to test." "Release
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